Angel Boy
by iamdelilah
Summary: He was thankful because he knew that today was the day. He'd been hiding his shame under a large hoodie - how he managed to do it he still doesn't even know - but today he could get rid of the guilt, get rid of the pain, get rid of the shame.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: Language, rape, implied incest, mpreg, student/teacher relationships, etc. Pretty much anything you can think of.**

**Disclaimer: I the teenager. Name changes were made for protection. I own the baby boy and Jaime something-or-other. Yes, that is what he'll be called.**

**A/N: It's so unrealistic but I don't give a shit. Why? Because I'm sick of all other mpreg fics. Because I'm sick of stupid fucking pairings like Joick and JoexDavid Henrie (who isn't even the _least_ bit attractive). Because I'm a sick and twisted with nothing better to do. Because my term paper is on safe-haven laws and my sources make me so sick that I need _something_ to take my anger out on. Because I needed something to pour my soul into. Because I'm sick of happy endings. Because it makes my heart sing.**

It's been four years since Joe has seen his family. It wasn't his parents' fault that he lost himself; when he got the news from Denise and Paul Richardson that they would be moving from New Jersey to Oregon, then-eleven-year-old Joseph couldn't deal with the news. And instead, he packed a bag and ran from home. He spent the first two days at his best friend's house, but by the time the friend's parents found out, Joe had yet again disappeared.

For months he hid from his family, most of the time hanging around distant city parks and dumpsters, surviving on what little food he could find until his parents gave up, leaving the state without him. So Joseph was safe then, or so he thought. He had no place to stay, he ate out of dumpsters and pilfered his clothes from charity bins in grocery store parking lots. That lasted maybe a year, until he was taken into custody by the state after a report from a weary citizen. When asked about his parents, Joe lied and claimed that they died in Canada. Joe isn't sure how, but the woman in charge of his cased believed him and he was sent to an orphanage.

But like his homeless life, the orphanage didn't last long. An infertile married couple, Gerard, an art teacher at a community college, and Frank Ricci, a pre-school teacher, who were trying to adopt through the same orphanage, made a spur-of-the-moment trip to the home, and they both immediately fell in love with Joe. Sure, they set out to adopt a baby, but a twelve-year-old would be a nice challenge. The men were sure they had made the right choice, because older children get so frequently overlooked, and Joe didn't seem to have any long-lasting mental or behavioral problems.

It became official on Joe's thirteenth birthday that he was adopted, and his name was legally changed to Joseph Ricci. The scrawny boy adjusted well to the life with his fathers in their conservative home. There were three bedrooms, so of course Joe got his own room across the hall from Gerard's art studio. Life from then until last year (his freshman year of high school) was nothing short of perfect.

But nine or so months ago, tragedy struck. Because of Joe's homeless state a while back, he was a year behind all other kids his age in school. He had trouble in almost every subject, particularly Algebra I. His math teacher, a Mr. Jaime something-or-other, had been very receptive of Joe's needs and did whatever it took to make sure the child knew what was happening with linear functions and exponents.

Within four days of studying with the child, Jaime had acquired an abnormal attraction to the boy. And on a day the fourteen-year-old stayed extra late, to the point that no one else in the school was left, the man made his move. He locked Joe in the classroom, penning the small boy against his desk forcefully until Joe gave in. They kissed, Jaime more eagerly than the minor, they touched and they fucked. Right there on the teacher's desk where Joe could clearly see the older man's face. But he didn't utter a word.

Presently, after six or so hours of painful labor and blood loss, Joe rocks back and forth on the bathroom floor, knees bent up to his chest as his eyes are fixed on the small, placenta-covered infant that lay at the opposite of the bathroom floor. It's been a while since the baby boy stopped crying. He's still breathing. And Joe's still staring.

Joe has been in here since Gerard and Frank left this morning. He was complaining of a sore stomach, and his parents gave in. They left, saying they'd be back seven or so hours later. Joe was thankful because he knew that today was the day. He'd been hiding his pregnancy under a large hoodie - how he managed to do it he still doesn't even know - but today he could get rid of the child, get rid of the memory, get rid of the shame, get rid of any trace of Jaime something-or-other.

Unexpectedly, the house's front door open and Joe jerks up at the early arrival.

"Joe?" Frank calls, voice closer than the teenager thinks it is. "Gee, Honey, I think he must be asleep!"

The shaken boy gasps, struggling as he crawls over to the discarded baby that lay on the tile floor, picking up the slimy mess and looking around frantically. He goes to put the boy in the bathtub, but not soon enough.

The younger of the two parents opens the unlocked bathroom door, utterly shocked at what he sees. His eyes go straight to the pool of tissue, blood and placenta that are bound to stain the flooring. Then Frank sees the baby along with Joe's frightened face. And Frank yells, but it's a kind of yell that's desperate beyond recognition. "Gerard!"

And the artist knows something is seriously wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

The couple are the emergency room, waiting impatiently as their son and his infant are being tended to. They were told that because of the examination they were going to give Joe, it would be best if the parents stayed in the waiting room. Gerard is doing what he does best when nervous; drinking coffee. Frank is wringing his hands anxiously.

"God," Frank mumbles. "Oh, God. Oh my God."

Growing irritated, Gerard turns to his husband sharply. "Saying that repeatedly isn't going to fix anything, Frank. If it did I'm sure we wouldn't be here right now. In fact, if there even _was_ a God our fifteen-year-old son wouldn't have gotten pregnant and wouldn't have been forced to give birth alone in our bathroom."

The younger male swallows nervously, looking down at his feet clad in black and white checkered Vans. For being a man thirty-two, he still dresses like he's seventeen. "I know."

With his attention still focused on Frank, Gerard lifts his coffee to his lips before taking a sip. When the searing-hot liquid has made its way down his throat, Gerard offers sympathetically, "I'm sorry." He sets his cup of strong java down on the table beside him. He puts his lips to his lover's ear, murmuring, "Maybe... maybe he didn't know."

"How could you not know if you had a baby inside of you?"

"I-I don't know, sometimes on those medical shows..." Gerard puts his chin on top of Frank's head. "If he knew why wouldn't he tell us?"

"There's something wrong," the younger one declares. And he's going to get to the bottom of it.

--

About half an hour later, the doctor comes, introduces himself as Dr. Mansuri and tends to ask a few questions. "Did you know Joe was pregnant?"

"No," Frank answers, voice still and quiet. His fingers cling desperately to his husband's, eyes still foggy with tears. "Oh my God, what kind of parents are we?"

"Look, let's not focus on why he didn't tell us or anyone else," Gerard suggests before looking to the doctor. "Are they going to be okay?"

The man nods confidently. "We cleaned them both up and it looks as if they're both going to be fine. The baby is full-term, perfectly healthy and in good condition. Your son probably saved the baby's life by not cutting the cord. And Joe is probably going to show some signs of postpartum depression and trauma, maybe even shock, but he's definitely alive. You're very lucky. With neither of them having any prenatal care, the fact that the baby is not only in stable condition but full-term and alive is miraculous."

"Thank God," Frank breathes out. He stops wringing his hands.

"Would you like to see your grandson?"

"Can we see our son first?" Gerard asks softly, squeezing Frank's hand gently.

"Sure." Doctor Mansuri nods, leading the couple to Joe's room. "We gave him a mild painkiller that's going to take away any post-birth pains he may be having. It'll help him sleep better. We also checked for any tissue damage or anything of the sort. Looks like he had a pretty clean delivery."

The walk down the long white hallway is short with sounds of other laboring parents echoing through closed doors and the thin hospital walls. When they get to the room, Joe's name is printed on a piece of computer paper, stuck in a plastic sheet protector and on the outside, caddy-cornered on top of his 'J' is a tiny baby blue bow. It's a hospital ritual that acts as an informative tool to any ignorant nurses or visitors.

Gerard squeezes Frank's hand tentatively as they enter the room. There he is; vulnerable little Joseph Ricci lying in the hospital bed. He's clothed in a white gown and on his wrist is a matching hospital bracelet, contrasting with his tanned skin. His eyes are open, but he's not focusing on anything in particular.

"Joe?" Frank murmurs softly, pulling free from his husband's grip.

"Frank," the elder breathes softly, reaching out and feeling unsure if they should try to talk to the boy or not.

"Hi, Dad," Joe croaks out. He looks up at the pre-school teacher, tears still in his eyes. "I-I'm so sorry!" he screams, eyelids suddenly clenching shut.

"No, no," Gerard insists, rushing to Joe's bedside. He reaches out, putting a hand to the frightened teenager's shoulder. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I'm s-such a f-failure!" Joe screeches, burying his head into his pillow and letting out animal-like screams that take him back to giving birth at home, alone, and on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. "I hate myself!"

Frank leans down, kissing Joe's hair gently before resting his head on his child's. "Shh," he replies, soothingly rubbing the child's back.

"You're not a failure, Sweetheart," Gerard comments wholeheartedly, joining in on his husband's side.

"I w-wanna _die_!"

"No you don't," Frank breathes softly, head still resting on Joe's. "You're just exhausted and overwhelmed. You'll feel better after some rest."

Joe takes several minutes to calm down before sniffling, blinking the last few remaining tears away and looking up at his older parent. "W-When can I come home?"

"We don't know," Gerard replies, reaching out to smooth Joe's bangs away from his face. "The doctor didn't tell us, but don't worry about that. Just try and get some sleep for now, okay?"

Joe nods silently, closing his eyes again. "Okay," he whispers. Frank releases his son and the teenager curls up slightly, breathing out slowly.

"Should we go?" Gerard asks in a whisper.

Nodding, Frank replies, "I wanna see him." Gerard's brows furrow. "The baby," Frank clarifies so softly that Joe can't possibly hear him.

Gerard ushers his husband out of the room.

"Dad?" Joe suddenly calls, causing Frank to rush back to his bedside. "Can you go home and get me my iPod?"

The pre-school teacher smiles slightly before leaning down and kissing the child's head. "Of course we can, Sweetie. We'll go get it right now, okay?"

"Okay," Joe agrees, drifting off.

The two then successfully locate the nursery, asking one of the attending nurses which baby belongs to their son. And when they see him they through the glass, bundled up in a tiny blue blanket is a perfectly angelic baby.

"Oh- Oh, God," Frank whimpers, unable to stop grinning. "That's... that's our grandson. He's beautiful, isn't he, Gee?"

"He's gorgeous...

"I can't wait to take him home."

Gerard frowns, not sure whether to be overjoyed or overwhelmed. He chooses neither. "Frank," he murmurs softly, "I don't know- I don't know if we're going to keep him."

The smile falls. "What?"

"There's obviously something Joe isn't telling us," he replies, leading his husband out to their car. They're going to take a quick trip home to get something to eat and Joe's iPod before heading back up here. "I mean, I'm not sure if he's ashamed of himself or... I'm just not sure if he'll want the baby around."


	3. Chapter 3

"Go lie down, Joe," Gerard says softly as they enter their small New Jersey home. "Dinner will be ready in about an hour."

"I'm not hungry," the teenager whispers brokenly, turning down the hall and heading to his room.

The artist hears his son's bedroom door close and cringes slightly. He drops Joe's hospital bag beside the front door before heading out to his husband's SUV. "Do you need any help?"

"Nope." Frank pauses, lifting his grandson's carrier out of the back seat, "I got it. Can you grab his bag, though?"

Gerard complies, leaning into the car and grabbing the black camouflage diaper bag (filled with a few supplies given by the hospital) before slinging it over his shoulder. He then shuts the SUV's side door and follows Frank into the house.

The pre-school teacher sets his grandson's carrier on the kitchen table. He lowers the handle, unbuckles the buckle and brings Maximilian into his arms. "Hey little guy," he coos. "We're home."

The older man can't help but smile at his partner, setting the diaper bag down on the table next to Max's carrier. He takes his place beside Frank, laying his head on the teacher's shoulder. "He's fuckin' adorable," Gerard admits with a smile, looking into the baby's tiny face. "He looks nothing like Joe, though."

"I know," Frank admits, glancing over at his lover with a smile. "I'm gonna go put him down in the bedroom and then call my folks. You want me to call your mom and tell her?"

"Uh," Gerard pauses, lifting his head, "No. Not yet."

Frank frowns slightly, nodding. "I probably shouldn't tell mine yet, either. I'll just go put him down and then head to the store for some stuff, I guess. God, there's so much to do. Maybe we should just order pizza for dinner. I don't really feel like cooking. Do you?"

"No," the artist admits quietly.

Frank nods, leaning in to kiss Gerard's face. "If you'll make me a list of stuff to get I'll call Domino's."

"I'm not really hungry right now," Gerard replies, locating a small tablet and a pen as he begins to make a list. "Maybe we should wait until you get back," he suggests. "If you wanna go and leave me with him I'll straighten this place up. It's a fuckin' wreck." Ever since the mess with Joe and the baby, the housework has been neglected. The only thing that was cleaned in the past three days is the stain on the bathroom floor. It still shows a little bit so Gerard figures a bath rug is the perfect remedy for it, and adds one to the list.

Ten minutes later Maximilian is sound asleep in the master bedroom. Frank kisses his husband goodbye, taking the Wal-Mart list and stuffing it in his pocket.

--

It's about two hours later now. The house is clean and Maximilian is sleeping comfortably in his new bassinet. Stacked next to the baby's cradle is a pack of diapers, a box of wipes and a tube of cream. In the top drawer of the nearby dresser are five onesies, four sets of pajamas with feet, numerous burping cloths, swaddling blankets and soft rags. The other products on the never-ending list of essentials are scattered throughout the household, put away in their proper places.

"Joe?" Gerard asks quietly, standing at his son's bedroom entrance. "Supper's here. I ordered your favorite; deep dish pepperoni from Domino's."

"Not hungry," Joe calls back, voice strained and weak.

The man outside puts his ear to the closed door. He hears soft cries and muffled whimpers. He steps into the dark room, allowing light from the hall to enter the black cavern. Without another word he walks forward and sits on the edge of his son's bed. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I-I told you I didn't want it here!" Joe cries, lying on his side. "I told you and you-"

"Hush!" Gerard snaps quietly. "You'll wake him up."

Joe pulls his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees as tears fill his eyes. "I told you I didn't want it," he whispers brokenly.

"He isn't an it, Joseph," the father states flatly. "Please call him by his name."

"No! Why did-? Y-You brought it home anyway..."

The artist runs a hand through his hair and nods. "I know that. But what were we supposed to do? Abandon him at the hospital?"

"That's what I wanted," Joe admits quietly.

"Yeah, well, you're a minor. That wouldn't have been possible."

"What about the safe haven laws?" the teenager counters bitterly, lifting his head and showing a vicious, narrow glare at his father. "That's what they're for, you know. Kids who don't want their babies just like I don't want mine."

"Come on, Joe," Gerard counters softly. "You're acting like I had some sort of control over this."

"You did!" Joe screams. "You brought it home!"

"Well, you ought to learn to control yourself," Gerard replies harshly, standing up from his son's bed. "If you knew how to this probably wouldn't have happened." He walks out, closing the door behind him quietly.

Joe erupts into an emotional mess, bellowing out uncontrollable sobs.

After hesitating, Gerard leaves and decides to find his husband and the baby. When he enters the living room Frank is sitting at the kitchen counter alone, looking worried. "Is Joe alright?" the teacher asks, stress apparent in his voice.

Gee sighs, shrugging. "He's really upset. He keeps calling Max 'it' and I don't think he's ever going to tell us what happened."

"What're we gonna do?" Frank asks, frowning.

The artist steps forward, hugging his husband lovingly. He rests his chin on the top of Frank's head before kissing the dark hair lightly. "I don't know. But we need to call Denise and Paul. I think it's time for Joe to go home."


	4. Chapter 4

It's Saturday, around nine o'clock in the morning, and Joe has just awoken from fifteen hours of pure, deep sleep. He opens his eyes, glancing at his alarm clock that sits on his bedside table and then rubbing his face. He stands to his feet, letting out a slow sigh. With tousled hair he exits his bedroom, crossing the hall the only small bathroom in the house.

Within a minute later he's stumbling into the living room only to see Gerard sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee. Frank is by his husband's side, holding Max as the baby impatiently waits for his bottle that's being warmed in the kitchen microwave.

"Dad," Joe mutters quietly.

Both Frank and Gerard allow their heads to shoot up, both relieved at the sight they see. Normal, sixteen-year-old Joseph is standing in the middle of the room wearing nothing but a pair of plaid pajama pants. His hair is messy, eyes aware of his surroundings. The long night's rest has surely had a positive effect on the boy.

Gerard is the first to speak. "Hey," he replies with that crooked grin of his. "Do you feel better?"

Joe nods, curling his toes involuntarily as he steals a quick glance at the baby. He then hears the microwave sound.

"Joe, could you-?" Frank asks quietly, looking up at his adopted son.

The teenager silently walks into the kitchen, taking the warm bottle out of the microwave and carrying it back to the living room. When he reaches his dad's side he stares down into the innocent face of his baby boy - the baby boy who holds the eyes of the man who raped him. But somehow those eyes that are set in that innocent face hold something more than those of Jaime, especially now that the infant is wide-awake.

"Here," Joe whispers, holding the bottle out to his younger dad.

"Thanks." Frank takes the baby's meal before pausing and thinking for a split second. He raises his eyes to look up at Joe. "Do you wanna hold him?"

"I..." Joe trails off before admitting, "I-I don't know how."

A sincere grin graces Frank's face and he scoots over against his husband's side. With the paper in one hand, Gerard instinctively puts an arm around Frank's shoulders.

Joe takes a seat, letting out a nervous breath as Frank lays Max in his birth father's arms. Frank then maneuvers the baby so that his head is secured but he's still in a position that he's able to eat in.

Joe reaches out, taking the bottle from Frank and then offering it to his son who takes it greedily and with much enthusiasm. The sixteen-year-old is momentarily infatuated with the baby, fingers running over the light chestnut, ultra-fine hair that sits atop of Maximilian's head.

"Joe," Gerard starts bluntly, "we need to talk to you about something."

"About what?" Joe responds in a worried tone, voice cracking as he breaks his attention from the baby. "School?" he wants to know as Frank takes the baby from him. "I can't go back yet," he insists. "I just had a baby and my-"

"It's not about school," Gerard cuts in. "It's about your parents - your birth parents."

"What about them?" Joe replies quietly.

"Honey, we know," Frank murmurs softly. "We know they're not dead. We've been in contact with them since we took over your care."

"W-what?" the boy asks breathlessly. "How?!"

"It's a long story," Gerard responds. "They're coming down today and we're going to... sort out some things."

"They can't come," Joe insists, shaking his head in denial. "They can't see me like this. I-I don't want to go live with them. I wasn't happy. I want to stay here. I want you guys are my parents. This- this is my home. Here in Jersey. Not in O-... Oregon," he chokes out. And even though it's November and cold outside Joe is suddenly sweating bullets. He's trembling and he wants to go back to bed - to sleep forever.

"They're flying in today," Frank confirms, still holding tiny Max as the baby continues to eat his breakfast.

"No!" Joe screams suddenly. "No! That isn't fair! You- why would you keep this from me?!"

"Why would you keep a pregnancy from us?" Gerard breaks in uncontrollably.

"Because maybe I was ashamed!" Joe retorts, standing to his sock-clad feet. He grabs his large black hoodie - the one that concealed his large belly for the past few months - and throws it on over his bare chest. He rushes to the nearby door before either of his parents can object. "I'm going to Robert's," he mumbles before closing the front door behind him.

Within five blocks he's at Jaime's house. Only he's not there to see the man who raped him. He's there to see his best friend, Robert. Joe knocks on the door, shivering lightly in the crisp fall air.

Jaime answers the door wearing his usual black plastic framed glasses. His short dark hair and deep brown eyes practically assault Joe.

"I-is Robert-" the boy starts.

"Dad?" Joe hears Robert call. "Is that Joe?"

The thirty-five-year-old moves backward and shaggy-haired Robert appears in the door way. "Hey!" he replies before hugging Joe tightly. "How've you been?" Robert wants to know. "How's the baby?" Of course Robert knows about his best friend's pregnancy. Other than Jaime, Robert was the only one that knew. And it's kind of ironic that Robert doesn't know that his father is the father of his best friend's baby.

"He's fine," Joe whispers, keeping his eyes focused at the ground. Joe had told Robert about Maximilian secretly in the hospital after his dads had taken a quick trip out of his room. "But my dads- they-"

"Come in," Robert insists, pulling Joe inside and closing the door.

"They know my birth parents. They- they've known about me all along. They're coming today. And they- they know I had a baby..."

Jaime, who had recently disappeared, comes back into the entry way from the kitchen. "You guys want some cinnamon rolls?" he asks, eyes focused first on Joe's deflated stomach and then the sixteen-year-old's face. When their gazes meet something happens deep inside of Joe. He senses the lust that's raging in his best friend's father, the lust that created Max and destroyed Joe's high school career. And suddenly Joe has a plan.

"Sure," Joe replies, an innocent smile lighting his face. "I'd love some."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Unedited. Sorry. :]

* * *

**  
Joe's family is currently sitting in the living room at Frank's and Gerard's place. The adults are drinking coffee as Joe sits on the sofa, legs folded under him Indian-style. His head is hurting due to the fact that he's been crying. Hell, everyone has been crying. There's a family reunion going on here for God's sake.

"Joe, Honey, why don't you go show your brothers your room," Denise suggests suddenly. "We'll come get you boys in a bit."

Joe swallows nervously, looking up at his mother and then at Nick and Kevin. His heart aches as he then stares down at his hands that rest in his lap. How could his parents and brothers possibly forgive him for running away? How could they allow him to be taken care of by two strangers with good intentions just because Joe didn't want to move? How selfless of Paul and Denise to give up their own life with their child just so that child could be happy. Joe _should_ feel ashamed.

"N-no," Joe stutters, shaking his head. "I'm sure they don't w-wanna see it. Um..." He trails off, biting his bottom lip in embarrassment.

"I'll go," Kevin offers, standing up and putting his hands in his the back pockets of his skinny jeans. "C'mon."

"O-okay," Joe nods. He gets to his feet as well, trembling slightly at the strange thing his heart is doing when he looks at his elder brother. He walks in front of Kevin, giving a jerky motion towards the hall. "S'this way." When he steps in front of Kevin he drops his arms to his sides, sighing out unevenly.

The boys descend down the hallway and Joe stops at the last door on the left. With his handle on the knob he turns and pushes it open, revealing grey walls. The boys step inside, Joe going to his bed and sitting on the edge of it nervously.

Kevin nods appreciatively, standing in the center of the space and turning around in a slow circle as he surveys the posters that clutter the walls. "Green Day? Nice," Kevin comments lightly.

"Yeah," Joe agrees. "I, um, they're one of my favorites."

"Me too." Kevin floats to a stack of CDs that sit on top of Joe's old wooden dresser. He runs his fingers down the title seeing everything from Nirvana to Coldplay. "Nice collection. You've definitely improved since your Good Charlotte days."

Joe smiles faintly, eyes fixated on the only piece of clothing on the floor. He's not sure why he's so infatuated with the shorts but maybe he thinks it's the blood stain on the crotch that got there on the way to the hospital after he had his baby.

"Joe?" Kevin asks suddenly, walking to his sibling's bedside and sitting down next to his brother.

His head snaps up and he's looking at his older sibling. "What?"

"There's something you're not telling anyone, isn't there?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"Something happened, Joe; something you're not willing to talk about." Kevin's voice is low and soft. He's being very careful.

Joe, feeling as if he's a kitten being cornered by a Great Dane, swallows hard. "W-what makes you think that?"

"The fact that you don't want your baby."

"How do you know that?" he replies, feeling a little more comfortable now. There, that's one secret out; Joe doesn't want the baby.

"The look you get in your eyes when you see him. You haven't held him since we've been here. Do-"

"I h-held him this morning."

Kevin nods, looking Joe directly in the eyes. "Do you love him?"

"No," Joe whispers, feeling ashamed. "I... I don't think I can. I think think I ever will."

"What _happened_, Joe? Please, I-I have to know. I have to know who did this to you and why - how."

Joe's eyes are watering, bottom lip quivering with anxiety. He wants to tell Kevin - to tell someone - anyone who will listen without first judging him.

"Did your boyfriend get you pregnant? Or an ex-boyfriend?"

"No," Joe whimpers, shaking his head.

Kevin stands up suddenly, walking to the door and closing it before rushing back to his brother's bedside. He pulls Joe into his arms, hugging the teenager comfortingly. "Were you raped?"

"Y-_yes_!" Joe blubbers against his brother's shoulder.

"Who was it? Who raped you?"

The younger of the two teens looks up, staring into Kevin's bright hazel eyes. "W-will you tell them?"

"Not if you don't want me to. I promise you that."

Joe nods, licking his chapped lips. "O-o-one of my teachers," he breathes out, feeling defeated as his heart finally decides to slow down. It's been beating rapidly all morning. Well, since after he secretly kissed Jaime goodbye and promised him he'd bring the baby over next time.

"Oh, _shit_!" Kevin replies, pulling back and staring at his brother wide eyes. "Joe, you- he- what the fuck? Why didn't you tell anyone?! You have to tell Mom and Dad!" He moves to get up, shoving Joe away.

"Kevin," Joe groans, shaking his head furiously. "You said you wouldn't tell!"

"Fine, fine, I just- a teacher? Which one?"

Joe looks down at his feet as Kevin sits beside him once more. "It doesn't matter," he whispers.

"Yes, it does! How many times?"

"Once..."

"Once? You got pregnant after one time? You know only, like, four percent of pregnancies are a result of rape? Why would you lie about something like that?"

"I'm not lying," Joe whispers harshly. "Once is all it took, I guess..."

"Joe, why didn't you _tell_ anyone?" the eighteen-year-old asks, frustrated. "You can't go around- ugh!"

"Don't worry," Joe replies immediately, looking up at Kevin. "I have a plan."

"A plan? J, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Just trust me," he pleads, gripping Kevin in a desperate hug. "Please. I-it's been so long since anyone has..."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys so much for the last chapter. I'm sorry this is sort of late. :] 27 DAYS UNTIL DAVID COOK!**

Quietly, Joe slips into the master bedroom where Maximilian is lying asleep in his bassinet. He hears the quiet chattering of his biological and adopted parents in the living room. He can see out the bedroom window that Kevin, Frankie and Nick are now hanging around in the backyard and doesn't worry about being seen due to the fact that the room is dark.

With ease Joe reaches over the edges of the cradle, gripping Max's sides gently. As he does so his breath catches in his throat, triggering tears to form in his eyes. He can't believe he's about to do this but, really, it's what's best. Joe lifts the baby gently, turning Max onto his stomach and pulling the blanket up and over his head quickly.

Joe then backs away from the bassinet, stepping lightly but furiously back to his bedroom where he had supposedly been sleeping. He closes the door, crossing the space and falling back into bed, tears steaming down his face. He hates himself for thinking up this insane attempt to try and kill his innocent baby boy. But if Joe can get rid of Max, he can get rid of the rape. If he can get rid of the rape, he can get rid of Jaime. If he can get rid of Jaime, he can get rid of all his anger, his shame and his embarrassment. He can live happily again. Move on with his life.

Meanwhile, Frank excuses himself from the other adults so that he can check on the baby. He makes his way down the narrow hallway, turning into the bedroom and heading over to the bassinet. When he sees the covered lump he gasps immediately, reaching down and grabbing the bundle. He pulls the small blanket away from the small baby. Scanning over Max's features and realizing that his breathing is even, that his color is okay and that he hasn't been that way for long, Frank sighs out heavily.

"Oh my God," he whispers, holding the newborn against his shoulder. "Gee! Come here, please!" Max's softball-sized rests against his neck and Frank falls back on the bed in a sitting position. He kisses the baby's face multiple times, nuzzling his nose against the infant's cheek.

"Frank?" Gerard suddenly asks from the doorway. "Is everything alright?"

"He tried to suffocate Max," Frank responds immediately, shaking his head in fury. His throat is burning, stomach churning with the anger that's boiling inside of him. How Joe could try to kill his own baby Frank doesn't even know. Parenthood is something precious, something to treasure.

"What?" Gerard responds, confused. "Hon, what're you talking about?"

"I came in here and Max was on his stomach with the blanket over his head. There is no possible way he could've gotten like that by himself. Joe was the only one in the back of the house."

"Joe... he wouldn't _do_-"

"Yes he would!" Frank cuts in, offended. "He doesn't want this baby, Gerard! He never did want him!"

"Calm down, Baby," the artist whispers, stepping forward and placing his hands on his husband's shoulders. "I'll go talk to him."

"I want him out, Gee. Gone."

"Paul and Denise _want_ to take him back. But Frank if Joe goes the baby goes too. You'll have to face the reality of the situation. Max isn't... he isn't your baby, Honey. I know that you love him but you need to remember that he's Joe's son. I'm sorry we couldn't get pregnant but if they take the baby with them we'll try and adopt."

"I don't want to adopt," Frank speaks up brokenly. "We tried that twice and both times it fell through."

Afraid that the hurtful memories are going to return, Gerard steps out of the room silently and crosses the hall, opening Joe's bedroom door. "Joe," he says flatly.

Joe's heart is hammering against his sternum but somehow he manages to keep his composure. He belts out a soft fake snore.

"I know you're not asleep. Sit up. We need to talk."

Tentatively the teenager rolls onto his back, sitting up with cautiously slow movements. "What?" he practically whispers, clearing his throat.

"Your dad just found the baby. Joe, why would you do that?"

"Do what?" the boy responds innocently, squirming to get comfortable.

"You tried to suffocate him, didn't you?"

"I-I don't know where you'd get an idea like that from. I would never..." Joe's voice breaks at the last word, blowing his cover. He pulls his legs up to his chest, wrapping his skinny arms around them and lying his head against his bony knees. "I said I didn't want him here," the sixteen-year-old mumbles. "I don't want to see him ever again. I _hate_ him."

"How could you say that?" Gerard asks softly. "Joe, he's just a baby. You can't possibly hate a baby."

Joe's head snaps up, tears streaming down his cheeks as has been happening frequently. "If I had a gun I would shoot him!"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"If you didn't want a baby then why wouldn't you come to us?"

"I-I guess I was scared of what you'd say." Joe looks up with red eyes. "I was embarrassed. Dad, I- I tried to get an abortion but I didn't know they were so expensive and I only had thirty-three dollars saved up..."

With his eyes focused on Joe, Gerard sighs softly. He crosses the room, taking a seat on the bed and wrapping his arms around the broken child. "I just wish you would have said something. Things could be so different if you had." He gently rests his chin against the top of Joe's head.

Joe hiccups, nodding against the artist's chest. "Dad's happy," he whispers. "He loves the baby."

Gerard rubs his son's back in slow, soothing circles. "I know." He smiles faintly, picturing how Frank's face had lit up when he saw Max for the first time. It was love at first sight.

He sucks in a breath through lips shaped like an 'o' and then exhales slowly. "We decided that it'd be good for you to go spend some time with your real parents at their hotel. That way you can think things over and get some rest without being woken up by the baby. They're waiting for you in the living room."

Joe nods, feeling slightly excited about spending the evening with his family. If eighteen-year-old Kevin was so nice and understanding then maybe Paul, Denise, Nick and Frankie will be, too. He hasn't thought about it so much lately, but Joe misses them a lot.

The teen scoots from his bed, grabbing his jacket - the one that hid his belly for the past seven months - and slipping it on. "I-I'll pack a bag," Joe responds softly, going into his closet.

"Alright." Gerard stands, nods, and then exits the room.

--

"Shotgun!" Frankie calls out through the harshly cold air on his way to Paul's SUV.

"Let Joe sit in the front," Nick responds, grabbing his younger brother by the shoulder.

"No, it's okay," Joe murmurs shyly. He walks beside Kevin, feeling comfortable and as if they haven't been apart for the past four years.

"Looks like it might snow," Kevin comments lightly.

"It does," Joe confirms. He climbs into the vehicle behind Kevin, joining his older brother in the very back seat. "Where are we staying?" he asks curiously, sinking into that comfortable atmosphere again.

"The Merriott right off the highway. Oh, hey, the website said they have a heated pool. We should totally go swimming. I mean, if you're not tired or-"

"I don't have a suit," Joe responds, smiling faintly.

"Me either," Kevin shrugs. "We can think of something."


	7. Chapter 7

**Lurkers fuckin' suck.

* * *

**

Kevin and Joe are on their way down to the hotel pool. Both are wearing althetic shorts, courtesy of Kevin's pajama supply.

"Joe?" Kevin asks as they reach the elevator and presses the down button.

"Hm?"

The eighteen-year-old looks at his younger sibling after they both step inside the portal. "Did you really try to kill the baby?"

Joe quickly averts his gaze, staring at the floor in an ashamed manner. "N-no," he manages to whisper.

"Well, yeah, but you said you had a plan and-"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay," Kevin agrees, nodding. "How's high school treating you?"

"I-I haven't really paid attention. Um..." The sixteen-year-old grasps his beach towel tightly to his flabby stomach.

"Can I ask you something?" Kevin asks, receiving a silent nod. "How did you hide it?"

"I, um, I-I wore a sweatshirt."

"Were you big or-? Th-this is probably a _really_ dumb ass question but did you take any pictures?"

"No." Joe walks out of the elevator as soon as the sliding door opens, passing his brother up quickly.

Kevin jogs up, grabbing Joe's wrist. It's only until he sees the tears that he feels like being punched in the stomach. "Look, I'm sorry." The older brother pulls the vulnerable teen into his arms, squeezing him securely. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just- I wanted to know. I shouldn't have asked."

Joe pulls away after a minute or so, wiping his face on his towel and exhaling. "S-sorry," he stutters as the two head toward the pool once more. "That happens a lot."

"Crying?" Kevin asks carefully.

"Yeah. I guess it's, uh, hormones." Joe blinks furiously, groaning when the tears fall regardless.

They reach the pool and are the only ones in the enclosed area. It smells strongly of chlorine and is extremely humid. Kevin doesn't hesitate to throw his towel onto a nearby lounge chair along with his shirt. He jumps in at the ten foot end, coming up to see that Joe hasn't moved.

"You okay?" he wants to know.

Joe sighs out, forcing himself to remove the towel that's hiding his stretched belly. "Not really. I-I think I wanna go back to the room and-"

"Aw, Joe, come on. I won't look. Will that make you feel better?"

A feebly weak smile spreads across Joe's face. "Yeah. But it looks kinda sick, you know? All the stretch marks."

Kevin cringes, nose scrunching a bit. "Stretch marks? No fuckin' way."

Joe tosses his thick white towel next to Kevin's and grabs a handful of his loose skin, lifting it up a bit so Kevin can see the underside. "See?"

"That sucks, man."

"Try carrying the goddamn thing around for nine months. In secret."

The eighteen-year-old is grinning again. "Couldn't do it."

Joe suddenly runs, jumping into the water only a few feet from his brother and drenching him.

--

It's around two in the morning now. Joe is in the bathroom, silently crying and sniffling as his shaking hand finishes scribbling the last of his letter. He sets the pen on the hotel's marble sink, folding the note into thirds and gripping it loosely.

Joe gathers the ten Tylenol pills he pilfered from the house off the counter, tossing them into his mouth and downing them with two large swigs of tap water. He wipes his face once more, turning off the light and opening the door.

He sneaks back into bed, setting the letter on the night stand.

"Joe?" comes Kevin's tired voice.

"Y-yeah?" the other whispers in return.

Kevin sits up, squinting through the darkness in an unsuccessful attempt to see his sibling. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Joe lies. "Fine."

--

Kevin wakes around eight o'clock and sees that his brother is still asleep. He looks around the otherwise empty hotel room, trying to figure out the time. Checking his cell phone, he sees that it's nine thirty-two and figures that his parents and younger brothers are waiting for the older two boys to come to the family's room next door.

"Joe. Joe, wake up." Kevin notices the paper lying on the bedside table and remembers that it wasn't there last night. Afraid to open it but feels he has no other choice, Kevin snatches the piece of printer paper and unfolds it.

_Mom, Dad, Kevin, Nick, and Frankie,_

_A lot of people have suffered because of me. I can't fathom their suffering more in the future. The rest of my life will only be a burden not only to myself, but to Max and everyone around me. I can't do anything because of my poor decisions. I can't even deal with the fact that I had a baby. Don't be too sad because like I said, I had a baby. Life and death are both a part of nature. I'm leaving you, but I brought a baby into the world to take my place._

_Momma, Daddy, please don't be sorry. It isn't your fault I was so unhappy. Don't blame it on making the move. Don't blame it on my stubbornness, or my running away. Don't blame it on yourselves for letting two married men take care of me. Don't hold grudges against anyone. It's fate._

_I love you, all five of you. I'm sorry I was such a disappointment. Take care of Max for me, I don't want Frank to have him._

_This is goodbye._


	8. Chapter 8

Kevin reaches out to shake Joe, vigorously moving him side to side. "Joe. God, no, please!" He feels his heart racing as involuntary tears make their way down his cheeks. "Wake up!"

Joe isn't sure what's happening when he comes to. He finds his older brother peering over him. "Huh?" he asks sleepily.

Kevin can't help but laugh with relief when Joe looks at him. He throws his arms around Joe tightly. "I thought you were dead!"

"I'm not?" Joe replies dismally.

"Fuck!" Kevin takes a seat next to his brother, grabbing the note from the nightstand as he wipes his tears. "Is this what you were talking about? Your plan?" he demands, shoving the paper in Joe's face. "Joe, if you think suicide is your only way out of this, you need some help. I get that you're hurting but... killing yourself?"

"I can't- I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I should've taken something stronger than Tylenol. I just- Kevin, I feel like a monster," Joe admits with his arms around himself.

Kevin takes a seat next to Joe, wrapping strong arms around his broken little brother. "You aren't the monster, Joe, he is."

"But I don't want my baby. I don't want him. I tried to hurt him. What's wrong with me?" Joe whispers.

"If you didn't want the baby why didn't you just get an abortion?"

"I tried but it was too expensive..."

"You should have just told someone. You should've just told Gerard and Frank."

Joe snaps, "I know that now!" He lets out a desperate, dry sob. "Everything hurts..."

"What hurts?" Kevin asks softly.

"Everything on my body." His cheeks burn pink with embarrassment. "I don't know what to do."

Kevin rubs Joe's forearm tenderly briefly before hugging him. "Why can't you just tell them what really happened?"

"Because it's embarrassing. You have no idea..."

"Would you feel better telling Mom and Dad?"

"I would feel better if they could just find out another way."

Kevin stands up and offers a hand to Joe. "How about we go join the rest of the family?" Joe gives his older brother a sweet smile and allows Kevin to pull him to his feet.

After the knock Frankie opens the door to allow his big brothers in the room. Paul and Denise, who are still in their pajamas, look over at their boys and smile in unison.

"Hi, boys. Sleep well?"

Joe exchanges a pleading glance at Kevin, begging him not to tell about his failed suicide attempt. If Kevin's eyes could smile, they would be smiling right now.

"Yeah, we both slept really good. What are we gonna do today?"

"I thought we could go shopping. Joe, honey, does that sound okay?" Denise doesn't mean to sound so demeaning, she just wants to make sure he's up to it physically. "Do you think you'll be okay to walk that much?"

Joe's cheeks turn a deep shade of pink as he's suddenly the focus of attention in the room. He's not used to being in the spotlight or being taken into such consideration. Usually Frank and Gerard choose what to do and drag Joe along kicking and screaming.

"Y-yeah, I think I'll be okay with it. It sounds fun."

Paul suddenly stands up, crossing the room and wrapping Joe in a secure, fatherly hug. Everyone else goes silent and Joe doesn't know what to say either, so he just returns the hug and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Well, boys, why don't you go get dressed and we'll meet downstairs in ten minutes?"

Kevin nods, motioning for his younger brother. "C'mon, Joe."

Joe follows obediently at Kevin's heels, longing to reach out and touch him just for a little bit of reassurance.

Once back in their own room Joe looks at Kevin unsurely. He feels sort of silly for asking this because he should have pants of his own to wear. "Do you- do you have any sweat pants tha I-I can borrow?" Joe asks softly. He doesn't want to tell Kevin why he doesnt want to wear jeans.

Kevin rummages around through his luggage before finding a pair of black sweats. "Here," he says, tossing them to his younger brother.

The younger boy catches the pants and can't tear his eyes away from Kevin when he removes his shirt. Kevin pretends not to notice until he finds the stare lasting for an unhealthy length of time.

"It's not polite to stare," Kevin says. He can barely get the end of the sentence out before Joe responds.

"Sorry!" he whispers foolishly, looking down at the carpet that is suddenly very interesting. "It's just- you look different."

Kevin chuckles. "So do you." Joe's head shoots up and Kevin feels instantly guilty. "I'm sorry," he amends, "that was mean." He turns his back to Joe and Joe can't help but let his eyes wander over the dimples of muscle in Kevin's back. Kevin throws on a long sleeved shirt and a rather tight pair of jeans. "Hey, Joe?"

"Hm?" Joe asks distractedly.

"I'm gonna go over to Mom and Dad's room. Come over when you're ready, okay?"

Joe gives his brother a small smile. "Okay."

"Come here." Kevin's can't resist the urge to pull Joe into his arms and hug tight. "I missed you," he whispers in Joe's ear, his stuble tickling Joe's cheek. That's when Joe decides that he really, really needs Kevin back in his life.

Joe clings desperately to his older brother. "I missed you too."

With a soft sigh Kevin pulls away and leaves the room hesitantly. He heads to his parents' hotel bedroom and manages to get his mom alone for a moment when Nick and Frank go to the ice machine.

"Mom?" Kevin asks.

"Hm?"

"I-I think Joe should come back to Ohio with us. He needs help. He's so traumatized by all of this..."

"Well, I guess so," Denise replies sarcastically. "But Honey, I can't make him want to get help."

"He needs your help right now, Mom, and I think you should encourage him."

"Kevin, I'd go to the ends of the Earth to get Joe back to the way he was before all this happened, but I can't. Surely you see that."

Joe, who has just reached the cracked door, has heard enough. He pushes into the room angrily. "You guys do know that the whole point of talking about somebody behind their back is that the person doesn't hear what they are saying, right?"

"Joe, Honey," Denise sighs. She turns to look at Joe who's standing there with crossed arms.

"I didn't know I was such a big inconvenience!" he snaps harshly before turning around and storming down the hall.

"Joe!" Kevin calls, jogging down the hallway. He grabs Joe by the wrist, spinning him around so they're face-to-face. "Look, what happened to you was _really_, really bad. It sucks and I am _so sorry_. I wish I could take the pain away." Joe blinks away the tears silently, looking up at Kevin. "But I wanna help you, okay? I'm on your side."

Joe presses his face into Kevin's neck and he decides that it's his new favorite place to be. "Kevin, I can't- I can't stay here if they keep it," Joe whimpers, referring to his baby. "I don't want to look at it ever again. I want to be home with you and everyone else."

"I know. Just... just promise me you'll never try suicide again."

"I promise," Joe whispers.


	9. Chapter 9

"Joe?" Kevin asks softly, breaking the silence between them. They're walking so closely that their shoulders brush together with every step. Paul, Denise and the other boys decided to take a break and left Joe and Kevin to wander the mall alone.

"What?"

"Are you coming back with us?"

"I want to," Joe admits honestly. "I don't know how I'll be able to stay with them. Not if they keep him. Kevin, I can't. Does- am I a bad person?"

"No." Kevin shakes his head. "But Joe, I really do wish you'd tell them about... you know."

"I know." Joe sighs heavily. "I have a feeling when we get back to the house one of them is going to sit down and talk about it with me. At least I hope they do. I think it'd make it easier for me to tell them."

Kevin takes the shopping bags from Joe's hand and drapes his free arm around his shoulder. "We're gonna get through this, bro. It's gonna take time but we'll get there."

Joe smiles faintly, glancing over at his older brother. "It's not like I don't want him. I mean, if I had a choice I wouldn't have chosen for him to be born, but- I hate him. Only it's not like I want to hate him." Joe's eyes begin to tear up and his voice cracks. "I want to love him and I want to hold him when he sleeps. I just can't make myself even look at him."

When Kevin looks over at Joe it's pretty evident that the guilt is killing him. The expression on Joe's face is so pathetic that Kevin has to force himself to look away. "Maybe you can work towards accepting what happened to you and everything and eventually start building a relationship with him. I don't wanna play the devil's advocate but he's going to grow up wondering why you hate him so much."

Joe lets out a whimper, "I want to love him."

Kevin stops in his tracks and pulls joe out of the mall traffic flow. "I get that you're opening up to me and you wanna talk about it. But I can't help you, J. You need to talk to someone with the know how to tell you what you need to hear. I'm not a therapist or a psychologist."

"But I feel like you're the only one who's gonna listen without judging me." As the tears begin to fall once more Joe turns away from his brother and to the wall. Maybe he's had too much shopping or maybe it's psychological, but Joe is suddenly exhausted and needs to go to sleep.

"Let's go back to Mom and Dad." Kevin takes Joe gently by the arm and pulls him toward the escalator. He feels that Joe is trembling and takes the shopping bags from his hands. "You really need to open up to them about all this..."

Joe whispers, "I know."

By the time the family gets back to the hotel it's eight o'clock. Joe woke up pretty early and he's tired so he figures he'll take his shower and get ready for bed soon. As Joe begins to undress he can't stop looking at his deflated belly and he remembers how it used to feel like someone was tearing him apart from the inside. He also remembers the few times he thought about his sweet baby boy and how he'd like things to work out for the both of them.

Joe is so angry that his little boy had to be brought into the world this way. It wouldn't be half as bad if Max was conceived during drunk party sex. But rape, that's just something Joe can't deal with. He doesn't deserve it and Max certainly doesn't deserve the hatred Joe has toward him.

Kevin figures about five minutes into hearing the cries he should probably go check on Joe. He knocks in the bathroom door before coming in. "Stop blaming yourself," Kevin whispers softly.

"I'm a horrible person. Can you imagine-"

"You had a baby, Joe. You didn't rob a bank and you didn't kill anyone. You had a baby. Come on, we're going over to Frank's and Gerard's for dinner."

Joe sniffles. "I can't go. I don't want to see him. I-I feel so guilty."

Kevin reaches up to wipe at his baby brother's tears. "You need to tell Mom. I can be there when you tell them if you want."

"Do you think it's my fault?"

"Absolutely not, Joe."

Hours later after dinner Gerard manages to get Joe by himself and without Kevin by his side. They're in the art studio across from Joe's bedroom.

"Sweetheart, have you made your decision?" Gerard asks distractedly.

"I'm going back with them," he replies, his voice quiet. "I can't stay here. Not in this house." Joe whispers the last sentence.

"Well, I don't know what we're going to do about Max."

"I don't want him."

"Joe," Gerard sighs softly. "You-"

"I don't want him," the teenager snaps. "Haven't I made that pretty damn clear?"

"But what if you regret this decision later in life?"

"I won't," Joe assures him. "I don't want him."

"What happened?" Gerard demands. "Did you have a boyfriend we didn't know about? Did he break up with you when he found out?"

"No."

"I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how on Earth you could hate someone who grew inside of you for nine months so much that you don't care what happens to him."

Joe stands up hurriedly. "I'm ready to go now."

"Honey, if you ever wanna tell us what happened I'll be ready and willing to listen, okay?"

Joe nods briefly. He goes to walk out of the room but Gerard catches him by the wrist and brings him in for a sweet hug. His eyes begun to tear up as he holds Joe close. "No matter what happens we're always gonna love you and Max."

"I know," the teenager admits. They stay in a quiet embrace for another half minute until Joe mutters something inaudible.

Gerard asks softly, "What was that?"

"I was raped," Joe whispers.

Gerard doesn't want to believe that what they were saying is true. He had a feeling it might have been something like that but he couldn't bring himself to believe it to be true. He feels his eyes swelling with tears automatically and does his best not to cry in front of Joe.

"Dad...".

Gerard just hugs his son tighter until the tears spill over freely. "Why didn't you tell us?" he whispers brokenly.

"I tried to. I just- I was so ashamed..."

"It's not your fault, sweetheart. It was inever/i your fault."


	10. Chapter 10

Once again the family is back at the hotel. They're leaving tomorrow morning and Joe has said his final goodbyes for now. He and Kevin are in the hotel room alone, Kevin watching TV and Joe lying in bed on his phone. A comfortable silence is present between them as soft laughter from the sitcom echoes throughout the room.

"Kev?" Joe asks distractedly.

"Hm?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"A girlfriend?" Kevin gives an involuntary chuckle "No. Why?"

"I'm just asking."

Kevin pauses for a long moment. "Isn't it kinda obvious that I don't... y'know, go with girls?"

"Oh!" Joe feels utterly embarrassed. "Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Kevin has to smile at his brother's awkwardness. "It's cool, bro. No worries."

Joe goes silent again and is almost asleep in ten minutes but a familiar aching in his abdomen wakes him. The cramping is intense, so much that it makes his legs hurt. With a groan he sits up and trudges to the bathroom, only to find a moderate amount of blood staining his white briefs.

"Great," Joe murmurs with tearful eyes. He doesn't have anything to absorb the blood with and his cramps are getting more intense by the minute. It's all he can do to stand here with a wad of tissue squeezed between his legs. His legs buckle soon enough and he catches himself on the bathtub, making a moderate amount of noise as he does so.

"Joe?" Kevin rushes through the door, seeing his brother on the floor and panicking immediately. "What happened?"

"It hurts," Joe admits. "I-I'm bleeding and cramping really bad."

"I'll go get Mom."

"No!" Joe insists. "I don't want to deal with her now. I just-" He begins to salivate and at an attempt to finish his sentence, he heaves everything into the toilet.

Kevin just sits there with his hand on his brother's back. "Joe, if you're that bad I'm gonna go get Mom."

"No! Please, just- make me feel better."

Kevin nods to himself and reaches up to grab three towels. He gives one to Joe, runs another one under warm water and microwaves it before wrapping the hot towel in a dry one.

"Can you walk?" He doesn't give Joe time to respond before he scoops him up bridal style and carries him to the bed. Joe curls into a fetal position and Kevin presses the warm towel to Joe's belly. "I'm gonna go to the Walgreens down the street and get you some stuff. Any requests?"

Chocolate milk," Joe whispers.

"I'll be right back."

Joe nods as Kevin grabs his wallet and hotel key on his way out.

"Hey, how you feeling?" Kevin asks softly when he returns.

"Same," Joe croaks out. He manages to get into a sitting position as Kevin joins him on the bed. He pulls out the chocolate milk and a granola bar along with some ibuprofen.

"Take three of these." Joe does as he's told and Kevin goes to heat up the hot water bottle. Once his brother is lying down again Kevin takes the towel away from Joe's abdomen and replaces it with the warm compress. "This should work better."

"Thank you," Joe whimpers.

"Go to sleep," Kevin urges. "I'll be here when you wake up."

As promised, when Joe wakes up Kevin is there by his side. "Hey," he smiles.

Joe smiles in return. "Hey. Cramps are gone."

"Good."

Joe rolls over into his back and stares up at the ceiling. He starts to remember the days of school before he got pregnant. Joe had been coming for tutoring since he failed his last two tests. To be honest he just wanted time with Jaime outside of class. In all honesty Joe had the hots for him and judging by the way Jaime looked at Joe, the attraction was mutual.

"This right?" Joe asks innocently.

Jaime leans over the desk, assessing the problem. He shakes his head and takes Joe's pencil. He scribbles a few numbers and Joe admires the movement under the skin of his muscular arms.

"See how I did that?" he asks. "Try the same thing on number two."

"Yeah." Joe glances up at the older man and bites his bottom lip. Their eyes lock together and Joe knows it's bad and it's wrong and it's so many other things. He makes the first move, pushing his mouth against Jaime's in a vicious kiss. He holds it for a second until Jaime pulls away.

"Joe, this is wrong." He gives in to another kiss. "I could lose my job."

"Tell me you don't want this," Joe whispers hotly. "Tell me you don't want me."

"Not here," he replies in a raspy voice. He scribbles an address on Joe's homework page. "I'll meet you there in 20 minutes. The key is under the mat."

Joe leaves his high school all hot and bothered. He finds his way to the house with no problem. He shows himself to the master bedroom where he falls onto the unmade bed, breathing in the scent of a French cologne. He doses off for what feels like a few minutes but he's fully asleep by the time Jaime gets home.

"Joe?" he calls out. He receives no response until he goes to the bedroom to find the boy asleep. He takes the place beside his student and finally Joe stirs. He looks over at Jaime silently before giving him a slow, sensual kiss.

Joe feels Jaime smiling when he pulls away and Joe mirrors that same smile. "Hi," he chuckles.

Jaime smiles still and presses their foreheads together. "I've thought about this for a long time."

Joe's hand reaches down to grab at Jaime's hard cock. As soon as he feels the same stiffness in his own jeans his throat swells with lust. "Fuck me."

Jaime does so with pleasure. With Joe straddling his hips he thrusts inside of Joe with force. Joe is writhing on top of him, one hand pressed firmly on Jaime's muscled chest and the other pumping his cock as Jaime fucks him brutally hard.

Joe lets out a breathy whine as his come dribbles onto Jaime's rippled abdomen. Jaime comes moments later, slamming Joe down onto his dick until he reaches climax.

Joe sighs and collapses onto Jaime in a heap of spent sexual energy. Jaime pulls out of Joe with a shaky breath and removes the soiled condom.

"Baby boy," Jaime whispers sweetly. And Joe just smiles.

That was the start of a beautiful sexual relationship. Things only took a turn for the worse when the two of them were in the classroom and Jaime lost all control. Joe wanted the sex, just not there and just not unprotected. But Joe submitted, leaving the room in tears when Jaime finished.

Thinking back, Joe wishes he would have gone to Jaime for help. He wishes he would have said something when he found out he was pregnant. Now Joe has an urge to talk to Jaime before they leave for home. He tells himself he just needs to do it for closure.

Joe eases himself out of bed and grabs his cell phone and the ice bucket. "I'm gonna to get some ice," he tells Kevin quietly.

"We don't need ice."

Joe looks down at the ice bucket and then at the door helplessly. He sighs and goes back to the bed in a heap of exhaustion, tears of frustration flooding his eyes. He sort of misses the feeling Jaime gave him and he misses the closeness of physical contact.

Kevin glances over at Joe for a moment before he flips off the television. "What's wrong?" he asks distractedly with his cell phone in his hands.

"I'm just tired. I'm exhausted from this whole thing..."

"Hm." Kevin waits a moment before his face lights up with a smile.

"What?" Joe wants to know.

"Nothing."

"Who are you talking to?"

With a soft sigh, "Just some guy."

Joe watches Kevin for a while until the urge of sleep overcomes him once again.


	11. Chapter 11

Joe and his family are finally on their way back to Ohio. They got a late start and everyone is getting tired. Joe and Kevin are squished in the very back seat between the luggage and Joe is getting increasingly sleepy. This past week has been so exhausting for Joe. He didn't go see Jaime before he left and he didn't say goodbye to his baby. He regrets both of those decisions. He's just hoping that he can come to terms with everything eventually.

Joe's iPod battery died before they even pulled out of the drive way so at the moment the two older brothers are sharing ear buds. Joe scoots a little closer so he can adjust his properly. He grabs Kevin's iPod and picks a different song, Waterfall by Gavin DeGraw, and soon the song lulls him to sleep.

Kevin doesn't notice right away that Joe's head comes to rest on his shoulder. But when he does he smiles in the darkness nestles his own head against Joe's. He missed Joe so much more than he ever realized.

When they pull into the hotel parking lot Kevin wakes first, nudging Joe gently. They fall into the same room accommodations as before; Denise and Paul with the two younger boys with Joe and Kevin in an adjoining room.

The family makes it to Ohio the following afternoon and they're all completely exhausted. They file in one after another and carry in the luggage, piling it by the door.

Denise has been thinking all the way home. She tells herself she knows it's not her fault that things turned out the way they did. She knows she has to deal with all of this eventually just as Joe does. She just needs to come up with a plan of execution.

"Boys, why don't you go to your rooms? I need to talk to Joe alone."

The three of them head for the stairs like a line of ducks while Joe hangs back nervously.

Denise makes sure all the bedroom doors are closed before she leads him to the living room. "Sit down, Honey."

Joe does as he's told and his heart begins to beat erratically. He knows what's coming and doesn't want to tell her what he told Gerard. Because he wasn't technically raped. Legally he was.

"Joe, you know your father and brothers and I love you. We care about you and we want you to be happy. Sweetheart, I just don't understand why you would do such a thing." Denise doesn't realize how harsh she sounds until she sees the tears in Joe's eyes. Her eyes are teary too and Joe can't look into them and just lie like that because Denise is his mother and she wants nothing more than for Joe to be happy.

"Why don't you ask me what you want know?" Joe doesn't mean to sound like a smart-ass but on the other hand he feels compelled to defend himself from his mother's inevitable judgement. He wants to tell her the truth but in his delusional mind he thinks Jaime still cares about him so Joe needs to protect him.

"Who got you pregnant? Did someone touch you or-?"

"I fucked my teacher."

Denise stands up in silence, putting one hand to her hip and the other over her mouth.

It sort of slipped out and Joe doesn't know why he's so angry at Denise. Joe realizes suddenly that he shouldn't have put it that way and whispers, "Please don't judge me."

"How can I not judge you?" Denise asks honestly. "Especially when you talk like that. I didn't raise you that way, Joe."

"I'm sorry." Joe looks down, ashamed. "It's just- I know you- I don't know."

"Was it a one time thing?"

Joe is exhausted and he wants to get all of this out at once. "I needed math help so I started going to tutorials. I initiated everything and I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand. We were so careful and then one time he- we had sex and he didn't have a condom but we did it anyway even though I didn't want to."

"Go to upstairs, sweetie." Denise has heard enough for now and Joe can tell that she wants to cry alone in peace so he does as he's told. He goes upstairs to the strange house. He has to guess which bedroom is Kevin's. It's a little obvious which one is Frankie's. That's easy; it's the one with Legos spilling into the hall. And Nick likes everything neat, so his is the one with the door open and bed made. Kevin's bedroom is at the end of the hallway and the door is open as well, so Joe invites himself in.

Kevin is busy moving things out of his closet so that Joe will have some room for his own clothes. "Hey," Kevin calls over his shoulder. "I'm moving stuff so you can have some room. Mom said they're eventually gonna move Frank into Nick's room but for now we'll have to share. I still have these shitty bunk beds anyway. Mom and Dad just have to get a mattress."

Joe lies down on the bottom bunk. He remembers these beds from their old house and runs his finger over he spot where Kevin carved his initials.

Joe replies distractedly, "You don't have to do that. I'll make do."

"No, it's totally cool!" Kevin tosses a shirt over his shoulder. "It needed to be done and all this stuff is too small for me, anyway. You're welcome to have it if you want, it just needs to be washed. You can use my laptop and stuff, too."

It's obvious that Kevin missed Joe and is enjoying their time as brothers because he's acting like Joe was always a constant part of their lives. He also believes Kevin seems so out of place in this house. Joe figures they can be a fine pair of misfits together and he faintly smiles because Kevin is being so incredibly sweet and accepting.

"Thanks, Kev."

"What'd Mom want?"

"To talk. I told her what I told you."

"How'd she take it?"

Joe decides to do some snooping in Kevin's dresser drawers while his back is turned. "She was pretty upset. I didn't put it as nicely as I should and I could tell she wanted to cry."

"What'd you tell her?"

"I said that my teacher fucked me."

Kevin looks wide-eyed at his younger brother. "Why?"

"I don't know. I felt like she was making assumptions that she didn't have any right to make. But I feel really bad about it. I made her cry..."

"You didn't make her cry. She'd be crying anyway."

Joe sighs softly and moves to Kevin's desk chair. "Is it cool of I use your laptop?"

"Yeah, definitely." Kevin continues to move things out of the closet as Joe checks his email. "Hey, Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like to be pregnant?"

Joe doesn't know why Kevin would ask such a thing because he knows it's a sore subject with Joe. He shrugs. "It was miserable and I didn't like it. It's weird when the baby moves. Why?"

"Because I wanna have kids someday and I might be the one to get pregnant."

As Joe continues to check his email his heart begins to race when he sees one from a too-familiar name. He isn't surprised to see that Jaime contacted him. Joe guessed it would have been in person or over the phone, not through email.

We need to talk. Is there somewhere we can meet?

Joe types with shaking fingers. I went home with my parents and brothers. We're in Ohio.

Joe makes sure to sign out of his email before closing the computer. He spins around in the chair to look at his brother. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Kevin shakes his head in silence. He and his last boyfriend didn't exactly have the ideal breakup. He tosses a few more pieces of clothes on the floor before finally leaving the closet. "I'm done."

For the next couple of hours Joe and Kevin spend time getting their room situated and at Joe's insisting they give it a deep clean. Paul and Denise aren't really sure what to think of their oldest sons getting along so well. Paul thinks its because they haven't seen each other for a while and Denise doesn't think it's entirely healthy. They figure they'll give it a week or so for them to settle down.

At midnight Joe and Kevin are the only ones still awake when Kevin comes downstairs to find Joe standing in the kitchen and figures he'll have a little fun.

"What are you doing?!" Kevin hollers. Of course Joe thought Kevin was still upstairs so he's scared shitless. He turns around, fuming, and takes a playful swing at Kevin. Kevin acts quickly and grabs Joe's wrists, holding them still.

"What are you looking for?" Kevin's eyes meet Joe's as soon as the younger boy looks away. "Joe."

"I need medicine."

"What kind?"

"Something to help me sleep."

Kevin asks, "You need help sleeping?"

Joe nods just barely. "Or I'll just lay there thinking about everything and about how I didn't say goodbye to Max and-" His voice breaks and his eyes gloss over and Kevin smoothes Joe's hair sweetly.

"It's alright. Sit down and I'll make you something."

As Joe goes to sit at the table Kevin makes two cups of peppermint tea with honey, which is guaranteed to relax Joe and coax his body to rest. Kevin sets the mugs on the table and sits down next to Joe, who begins to drink his tea thoughtfully and asks, "Remember when I said I didn't take any pictures when I was pregnant?" Kevin nods. "I lied. I took some."

"So why'd you lie?" Kevin wants to know.

"I don't know," Joe whispers. "I think maybe I just didn't trust you enough to show them to you."

"Do you trust me now?"

He nods. "Do you wanna see them?"

"If you want me to see them."

Joe sighs softly and nods a little as he finishes his tea. He puts his cup in the sink and Kevin does the same, following Joe upstairs.

Joe digs around in his half of the closet to a small metal tin. Inside of it are certain things like birthday cards, a little bracelet his ex-best friend made him and some other things. At the very bottom is a stack of pictures in a Walgreens paper envelope. He hands them to Kevin, watching intently for any sign of judgement.

As Kevin takes out the photos, he isn't exactly surprised at what he sees. Most of them are from the side and in the first couple Joe doesn't even look pregnant. Kevin guesses that the ones where Joe's stomach looks bloated that he's around three to four months pregnant already.

Kevin doesn't know what to think of all this. Joe was at first hysterically depressed about everything and told Kevin he was raped. Now he's showing Kevin pictures that he lied about taking. He's so confused and doesn't know what to think about Joe anymore.

Kevin puts the photos back in the envelope and sighs softly before looking at Joe. "I don't understand any of this."

"You sound like Mom." Joe smiles a little.

"J, what's the truth about everything? I wanna know; you know you can trust me. I love you and I wanna help you cope so just tell me everything so we can be honest with each other from now on."

Joe sighs softly and nods. This can't be harder than telling their mother so he just goes for it. "I was struggling in my math class and I asked for tutorials. My teacher said he would and I already kind of thought he liked me. So one day he was leaning over my desk and I kissed him. We met at his house later that day and we had sex.

"We were always safe until one day he wanted to do it at school. Of course we didn't have a condom so I didn't wanna do it then. Jaime said it would be okay so I finally gave in because I wanted him to be happy and keep loving me.

"I got my period about two weeks later and assumed because I didn't get pregnant the first time that two or three more times without protection wouldn't hurt, either. But three weeks after the second time we did it without a condom I found out that I was pregnant. It had obviously happened the first time because it had only been a few weeks since the second."

Kevin nods, still taking all of this in but no he understands a little bit better why Joe was having such an emotional battle with the fact that he doesn't want his baby. "It's late," he says softly. "We should probably go to sleep. You want the floor or the bed?"

Joe sighs a little. "We can just share the bed."

Kevin moves silently, climbing in bed as Joe grabs the lights. He sandwiches himself between Kevin and the wall behind the bunk bed and falls asleep quickly.


	12. Chapter 12

Joe is a little embarrassed when he wakes up and he's huddled against Kevin. It makes sense though, because it's freezing in here and Kevin took all the blankets. He carefully climbs out of bed and stumbles downstairs, not at all surprised to see Denise sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hi," he mumbles quietly.

Denise smiles and tries to hide the fact that she's exhausted. "Hi, honey." She glances down at her cold coffee cup as she reaches over and pulls out the chair next to her. "Sleep okay?"

Joe slowly crosses the kitchen and sits down, nodding. "I didn't get to sleep very early but I slept good."

Denise smiles faintly and begins to tear up. Now Joe just stares down at the table top, wishing he has stayed in the bedroom.

"I don't even know what to say."

"Mom, I don't really know what to tell you. There's nothing I can say to make it easier on anyone." Joe lets his gaze fall on he open window into the grey November sky. "I'm not ready for school. Can we make it another week or-?"

Denise nods just barely. "Your brothers are out for Thanksgiving next week. You can go back after the break."

"What about Max?" he whispers, almost as if he's afraid to hear the answer.

"What about him?"

"Where's he gonna live?"

"What do you want?" Denise asks softly. "Do you want to raise him? Do you want to give him up for adoption?"

"I don't know. I can't even think about anything else right now. What about Dad and everyone else?"

"Sweetheart, don't base your decision on anyone else but yourself. We love you and we want you to be happy. If you want to raise your baby the entire family will support you all the way."

"I don't know," Joe whines softly. "I don't know if I want to."

Denise reaches over and smoothes Joe's hair away from his face. "You're still exhausted. Go back to bed and we can talk later."

Joe doesn't need any convincing; he goes back to his and Kevin's bedroom. But he doesn't go to sleep; instead he decides to get on the computer and check his email, the newest from Jaime.

[i]Joe, we need to talk about this and sort this thing out. If you don't agree to come see me, I'll come find you. This is important and you can't just ignore it to make it go away. Let me know what you want to do[/i]

Joe feverently types, [i]I can't get away from my family to come see you. We live in Cleveland, the address is 23566 Shell Road Dr. Let me know when you're coming. You still have my phone number.[/i]

After signing out of his email Joe crawls back into bed as smoothly as possible so as not to wake Kevin but despite his efforts Kevin stirs behind him. "Joe?"

"It's just me," Joe whispers in response.

"Mm. Woke up and you were gone. Wasn't sure you were coming back." His voice is dripping with delirium and he shifts, draping an arm over his brother.

"I'm not going anywhere," Joe whispers with a small smile because he knows someone [i]cares[/i]. Kevin turns onto his side and lays his head closer to Joe and [i]are they snuggling[/i]. "Is this weird?"

Joe relishes the close contact, the brushing of skin-against-skin, and replies perhaps a little too quickly, "No, it's fine."

"I'm glad you're home. I feel so alone sometimes, you know? Like no one in the family gets me. But you do, you get me."

"Me too." Joe shifts in comfortably in Kevin's arms and sighs. "Sometimes I just want to cry and I don't- just for no reason. I can't..."

"So just cry. It's good to cry."

"I think Mom wants me to go to counseling."

Kevin snorts subconsciously. "Me too. She doesn't like the fact that I'm well- you know."

"I'd go if you'd come with me. We could go together." Hot tears begin to roll down his face and across the bridge of his nose.

Kevin smiles into Joe's hair. "M'kay." He runs his fingers trough Joe's hair and takes comfort in knowing Joe takes comfort in this embrace. "I missed you, little bro."

"I missed you too. Kevin?"

"Hm?"

"Could you teach me to drive? Gerard was gonna teach me but he never got around to it. He's always so busy..."

Kevin's lips brush Joe's ear as he speaks. "Sure. It'll be fun."

"Can we do it today?"

"Go to sleep, Joe," Kevin chuckles. "But yeah, we can do it today."

Joe maneuvers around so that he's facing Kevin and brushes his fingertips across Kevin's cheek bones. "Is this weird?"

Kevin shakes his head. He closes his eyes and relishes in the feeling and Joe swears to God that he feels Kevin pull him closer. He wants to spend all Sunday mornings like this from now on.

They pull into the empty school parking lot and Kevin puts his car into park before they switch sides. Joe gets in, closes his door and God love him, buckles his seat belt. Kevin gets in the passenger seat and turns the music low enough so that they can talk casually.

"Okay, put your right foot on the break and move the gear shift to drive. The break is the one on the left. Use your right foot to both break and accelerate."

Joe obeys he orders and looks at Kevin. "Now what?"

"Let off the break and slowly push the gas." They begin rolling through the parking lot at 10 miles an hour and Joe thinks he's cool shit because he's [i]driving[/i].

After several minutes Joe sighs a little and glances over at Kevin, putting the car in park per his instructions. "Jaime said he wants to talk to me about- about Max."

"Did you tell Mom?"

"No, I'm not crazy. Of course not but I- I do miss him."

"Who?"

"Jaime."

Kevin can't hide the desperation in his voice when he says, "Please don't do anything stupid like try to go back to him. I- we couldn't take it." He grits his teeth together unknowingly and can't exactly decipher why he's feeling a sudden surge of jealousy raging through his entire being because Joe should Not. Miss. Jaime. In Kevin's opinion Jaime shouldn't be allowed to teach kids if he can't restrain himself from fucking them.

"Could you- if he came here to meet me would you drive me?"

"Joe, I don't- I don't know. I don't like the guy [i]just[/i] because of the fact that he got you pregnant. It isn't fair, okay? You shouldn't have to go through this or have to deal with a son of a bitch like that."

Joe is a little taken aback because that little rant says a lot about Kevin. It says that he's harboring some unresolved feelings toward something[i]something[/i] - what it is he doesn't know. All he knows is that he should be greatful for having someone who so outwardly cares for him.

"I'm ready to leave," Joe whispers brokenly as he gets out of the car. He crosses his arms over himself defensively when he walks around to the passenger's side. K

evin gets out, taking Joe into his arms in a hug and presses a sweet kiss to Joe's forehead. "Everything's gonna be okay. Just give it some time." He offers Joe a reassuring smile and walks around to the other side of the car.

"Kevin, what was that?" Joe asks once they're in and the doors are closed. He looks over and meets his brother's eyes with his own.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

Joe snaps, "Don't play that game with me; you know damn well what I'm talking about. What was that kiss? Because I don't want to think anything of it if it was nothing and I need to [i]know[/i] beause I'm feeling-"

With a soft smile playing on his lips Kevin cups the back of Joe's head, bringing their lips together in a sweet, simple kiss.

"I'm not playing games."


	13. Chapter 13

Joe and Kevin sleep together in the bottom bunk. It's a thing. Which is why Kevin wakes up to the alarm with a tingling feeling in his arm and as soon as he looks to his right he realizes what it is. Joe's head is resting on his bicep as if it were a pillow, which makes it a struggle to hit the snooze button on the alarm. In Joe's defense Kevin [i]is[/i] hogging the pillow. He smiles faintly at Joe which is creepy beause he's totally watching him sleep and that's sort of an invasion of privacy or something.

He doesn't want to move because Joe looks so peaceful but he has to because his arm is killing him. He pulls it out from under Joe's head and the younger boy groans quietly. Kevin slides his pillow over so that they're sharing and falls back asleep.

Minutes later when the alarm goes off again, Joe wakes before Kevin does and once the insessant beeping stops he has time to lay there and think in silence. He thinks about how Max is doing and how Gerard and Frank are. He really misses them and wishes he would've said goodbye to his baby boy. He also remembers when Jaime asked him about the pregnancy.

[i]The bell rings to signal fourth period and when Joe comes in late Jaime can't stop staring at his bloated belly. He figured there was a reason Joe stopped talking to him and now he knows for sure why; Joe is obviously no less than 4 months pregnant.

After class Jaime stops Joe by the door. "Look, I can help you- we can get through this."

"No we can't." Joe pushes past his teacher angrily and Jaime grabs his arm. "Don't touch me," he snaps, tugging his arm away.

"Joe!" he hollers down the hall.

Joe just ignores him, holding the tears back as he seeks refuge in the nearest restroom.[/i]

What Joe doesn't know is that Jaime felt so guilty for the entire thing. He realizes he shouldn't have initiated something so wrong and immoral and now Joe is pregnant and he's positive the baby belongs to him. Jaime swears that if he gets a chance to talk to Joe again he'll do the best he can to help him.

Joe sighs and turns over in bed, waking Kevin in the process.

"Sorry," he whispers as Kevin's eyes open.

Kevin smiles sleepily. "It's okay."

Part of Joe wishes today weren't Friday and he sort of stares into Kevin's eyes, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth and Kevin can't [i]explain[/i] why but he feels so compelled to rip Joe's clothes off right this instant. But he can't do that because that isn't a thing yet. He can kiss him, though. That's a thing.

Kevin pulls Joe in his arms and turns onto his back, tugging Joe lazily along with greeting him gently kiss. Joe whimpers, he fucking [i]whines[/i], and takes Kevin's face in his hands. Pulling back, he asks, "What are we doing?"

"Kissing?" Kevin offers. Then decides, no. That was stupid, and obviously not what Joe was asking. "I-I don't know. It's a thing, right? Are we a thing?"

"I don't- I don't know. Are we a thing?"

"Do you want us to be a thing?"

Joe traces his fingers along Kevin's cheek bones and he figures that'll be a thing soon. "I don't know. What is this? Is it wrong?"

"It depends," Kevin whispers. He doesn't think it's wrong because something so wrong couldn't feel so good. But hell, yes it could. It can and it [i]does[/i].

"I want us to be- I mean, I think we should be? Because it feels so good and it makes me excited and I get butterflies when I see you sometimes?" Joe asks more than explains. "You kissed me first so you tell me."

He pushes Joe's bangs back away from his face and smiles a little. "Could we be a thing?"

"Yes. Kevin," Joe says softly, nudging his brother who is trying to doze off again. They've already hit the snooze button enough times for one morning.

"Hm?"

"I-I want to go see Frank and Gerard. Can we go after school?"

"Joe," Kevin breathes softly.

"I wanna see Max," he whispers genuinely, his fingertips dancing along Kevin's jaw. "If I can get Mom to say yes-?"

Kevin opens his eyes and gazes at Joe with a lazy smile. He presses a kiss to his forehead, one of Joe's favorite signs of affection, and sighs softly. "Go ask Mom."

With a loving shove Joe leaves the room and booms downstairs as Kevin pulls himself out of bed. Only 8 more hours and he'll be out of school for a week. He can do that.

Joe finds Denise at the coffee pot in the kitchen and clears his throat. "Hey, Mom."

"Hi, sweetheart."

"I was thinking- since Kevin is out of school after today could be maybe drive me to see Frank and Gerard and-?" He can't bring himself to say it. "For a few days?"

Denise visibly tenses and turns to look at her son. "I don't know if that's a good idea or not. You still need to prepare yourself for school and I have to worry about cooking Thanksgiving dinner."

The words sort of just fall out of his mouth on accident. "I want to see my baby."

Denise clearly does not want to have this conversation right now. Despite that she manages to turn around and say, "Make sure it's okay with them that you're coming. Did you even ask Kevin of he would drive you?"

"He will." For the first time since their been reunited Joe feels compelled to his his mother. He steps forward and folds himself into her arms. "Thanks, Mom. I love you."

Denise wraps her arms around Joe and this is the first time she's really [i]realized[/i] that Joe isn't her little boy anymore. "I love you, too." She kisses the top of his head and blink away the tears that have welled up in her eyes. As Joe is on his way back upstairs she calls after him, "I'm leaving you a list of things I want done before you leave. I expect them to be done by the time I'm home from work."

"Okay!" he hollers in agreement. As soon as he opens the bedroom door he's met with the beauty of Kevin's bare back spread before his eyes like a gift. Okay, so Kevin isn't exactly cut or anything, but he is definitely toned and Joe loves to watch the muscles ripple and strain under his olive skin with every movement.

"Mom said okay?" he guesses when he sees the smile on Jos's face.

Joe nods. "I don't think I even asked you, though. Kev, will you drive me to New Jersey to see my baby?"

Kevin throws his head back and laughs like a little kid. "Yes, I will drive you to see your baby." He turns and pulls him into a hug, squeezing Joe and Joe smiles into Kevin's shoulder. "Can you pack some clothes for me while I'm gone?"

Joe nods, pulling back and absently biting his bottom lip. He's still smiling when he looks up into Kevin's eyes. "Thank you."

Kevin kisses Joe's forehead and has to push him to arm's length to prevent himself from doing anything unholy or wrong because, seriously Joe's lip biting is turning into a thing. He turns to get dressed and Joe searches for his phone. When he finds it somewhere in the toussled blankets he sends Gerard a text, [i]Can Kevin and I come visit? I want to see Max[/i].

Gerard, who is up and readying himself for work, has never replied to a text so quickly. [i]Of course you can! We'd love to see you. When are you coming?[/i]

[i]We were gonna leave when Kevin gets home from school if that's okay.[/i]

Gerard is smiling like an idiot and shaking Frank awake. "Hey, I just got a text from Joe."

"Hmm?" Frank stirs.

"Get up. You need to get ready for work. Joe and Kevin are coming to visit and Joe said he wants to see Max. This is so good, it's such good news, Frank. I knew he would come around to the baby."

"What if he wants to take Max home?"

Gerard sighs and sits down at the foot of the bed. "You should be happy for him, Frank. I think he's coming around and that's a [i]good thing[/i]. I want him to have Max and I want him to love his baby. How can you not want that for him?"

Frank sits up and his brown eyes glare at the back of Gerard's head. "Because it isn't fair."

Gerard storms out of the room, grumbling something about 'needing a fucking cigarette'.

Joe and Kevin manage to leave by four o'clock that afternoon. As they head out of town the November sky is grey and the heater in Kevin's car is running full blast. Two duffle bags are tossed in the back seat with a bag of nonparishable snacks.

"Hey," Kevin says softly and Joe glances over at him. "I wanna talk to you about something. This guy at school that I've been talking to- are you- are we-? Because I don't know what it is or what we're doing."

"Are you asking me whether or not I want you-"

"I'm telling you that I stopped talking to him because I don't know what we are. But I want to figure it out because I love this-" he gestures between the two of them, "and I don't want it to change."

"Do we have to define it?" Joe asks softly. "I don't know what to call it but I know that it feels [i]so good[/i] to be able to relate someone who isn't going to judge me. I don't want to mess it up with expectations or calling it something it isn't so can we just go with it?"

Kevin nods in agreement because what Joe said exactly what he's feeling.

They stop around half past midnight at a hotel and when they get to the room Joe collapses on the bed, waiting for Kevin to get out of the shower. He sits up as the water shuts off and he's there at the bathroom door, pushing himself into Kevin's arms.

"Hey," Kevin laughs, hugging Joe in return. "What's this?"

Joe wraps one arm around the back of Kevin's neck and places his other hand on Kevin's cheek, guiding him into a smiling kiss. Joe whines and that just drives him [i]crazy[/i].

"Mm," Kevin breaks the kiss, opening his eyes, "you are crossing into dangerous territory. No, do [i]not[/i] look at me like that," he playfully scolds. "Joe, you're seriously driving me crazy and-" Joe unknowingly pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and bites gently. Kevin can't stand it so he reaches up with his fingers and pulls Joe's lip away from his teeth.

Joe's nose buries into Kevin's collar bone and [i]no[/i], they cannot do this here because it's too soon and it would ruin everything. He pulls away and nods. "I'll be good." He takes Kevin by the hand, pulling him to the bed. They lay down and Joe curls around Kevin's body. "Night."

Kevin's lips press into the top of Joe's hair. "Night, Joe," he whispers sweetly.


	14. Chapter 14

"Joe," Gerard smiles, pulling the teenager into a tight embrace, "Hey, kid I missed you."

Joe hugs back and inhales deeply, enjoying the familiar scent of stale coffee, paint and cigarette smoke. "Where- um, where's-"

"He's asleep with Max," Gerard admits softly.

"Already? It's only eight o'clock."

"Well, yeah, he hasn't been feeling great lately."

Gerard pulls away from Joe and gives Kevin a similar hug that's tight and secure and genuine. Kevin is beginning to realize why Joe loves Gerard so much.

"Come in!" he insists, guiding Joe inside the familiar home. Kevin trails behind Joe, dropping their luggage by the door and without any warning Gerard hugs Kevin, too.

"You boys have a nice drive?"

"It was okay," Joe admits, sitting on the couch next to Kevin and resting his head on Kevin's shoulder. In turn, Kevin pillows his cheek on the top of his brother's head.

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Joe huffs.

"You two wanna go upstairs? Joe, I put that cot thing in your bedroom. There are fresh sheets and blankets. I'm gonna go wake Frank up and we'll go get something to eat or whatever."

"Thanks," Joe smiles, moving out from under Kevin. He grabs his duffle bag and tosses it over his shoulder as Kevin does the same. Once upstairs, they drop their bags and Kevin pushes Joe up against the closed bedroom door, kissing him thoroughly. Joe's hands roam frantically before they finally settle on Kevin's hips, fingers slipping between his waist band and his skin, tracing teasing patterns that make him shiver.

When he feels Joe's fingers at his zipper, Kevin pulls back with a soft smack of their lips and rests their foreheads together.

"We can't do this here," he whispers lowly.

Joe looks up beneath his eyelashes, "Yeah, I know."

After Frank wakes the group ventures out to a pizza parlor for dinner. Things are strained between Frank and Gerard and a lot of bickering occurred between the two with exchanged glances between Joe and Kevin. They're back at home now, settled into the warm home as a heavy patch of snow moves through the town, and Joe and Kevin opted to curl up together for better warmth.

"Kev?"

"Hmm?" Kevin hums, wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling up to his back.

"Thanks for bringing me here. I appreciate it a lot."

"You're welcome," Kevin smiles into the back of Joe's neck, pressing his lips against the warm skin, "Love you, little bro."

Joe places his hand over Kevin's which is resting on his belly, "Love you too."

Kevin's fingers gently begin to massage Joe's flabby skin lovingly and if he weren't so tired from driving he might even whisper some sweet nothings in his brother's ear as Joe shifts comfortably and sighs.

He whispers, "Do you think Frank and Gerard are okay? Did they seem like they were fighting?"

Kevin hesitates to respond but says finally, "They didn't seem too happy to be around each other."

"Do you think- Is it my fault maybe? For leaving or Max-?"

"I don't know. I don't know them well enough to say." Kevin bears Joe emit a helpless sigh and kisses the back of his ear. "They'll be alright, Joe. Go to sleep."

Joe obeys and he's asleep within minutes. Hey stay curled against each other the entire night, even when Gerard gets up to check on Max. When he comes back to the bedroom Frank is awake and holding the baby. Despite their indifference toward each other Frank doesn't take the worried look on Gerard's face lightly.

"What's wrong?"

He sighs heavily, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed, "Kevin and Joe are sleeping in the same bed together."

Frank pauses, "That's... different?" Gerard gives him a 'bitch please' look. "Okay, that's weird." He puts the sleeping baby back into the bassinet before crawling up behind Gerard. He leans against his back, wrapping an arm around Gerard's shoulders, "Gee?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry I've been such an ass lately."

"I appreciate that," Gerard smiles sweetly, he turns his head, kissing his husband lightly, "But they're curled up in bed together. I mean, should we be worried? That isn't normal. We should be concerned? Do you think they're sleeping together?"

"It's late," Frank whispers, "We'll talk in the morning, okay?"

"Okay."

Gerard doesn't sleep at all; he's up and down with the baby all night and before he knows it the kitchen clock chimes seven o'clock. He's sitting in the breakfast nook when Kevin stumbles in looking for a drink of water.

"Morning," Gerard smiles.

"Morning," Kevin mumbles, "Is it okay if I grab a glass of water?"

"Yeah, yes, of course."

As Kevin gets his class of water Gerard says, "Pull up a chair."

Kevin obeys, taking sips of his water.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Mhm," Kevin nods, "We were both really tired from the drive. Joe's still asleep. He sleeps a lot."

"I remember," Gerard smiles fondly. His smile dissipates quickly and he looks down at the table. He's still not sure what to think about Joe and Kevin curling up in bed together.

"So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No. I-I'm not really into girls," Kevin admits with a blush.

"Hey, that's cool too. Neither am I," Gerard says with a laugh, "No boyfriend?"

He shakes his head. "Not right now. I had a bad breakup last time so... yeah, I don't really want one anytime soon."

Gerard is tired of beating around the bush and he [i]needs[/i] to know.

"Kevin, do you and Joe sleep together?"

Kevin nearly chokes on his water and it dribbles out of his slack mouth, "W-what?"

"Last night before I went to sleep I went to make sure you and Joe were okay-"

"Well we sleep in the same bed but-"

Gerard gives him a 'cut-the-bullshit' look.

"Sweetheart, you know what I mean. I just- I need to know because I care about Joe and I don't want him to be hurt any more than he already has been. He's already been taken advantage-"

"Is that what he told you?" Kevin interjects, "That he- he was raped?"

Gerard nods.

"He wasn't raped," Kevin admits quietly, "He was having sex with his math teacher. And no, we aren't sleeping together. Not like that anyway. I wouldn't do that to him. I love him and I won't let anything happen to him."

"I know that, I just don't know whether or not it's healthy." Gerard gives a dismissive wave of his hand, "It doesn't really matter what I think, I don't guess. Does he- do you know if he wants to keep Max?"

Kevin shrugs, "I don't know that he thinks about it. I'm not sure my mom wants him around. I mean, if Joe decides he wants to give him up for adoption I'm sure you and Frank will be the first to know."

Gerard looks away in haste, "Oh, I know that. It's just that I'm not sure he'd be comfortable with it." He stands up, heading to the coffee maker and pouring himself another cup. "


End file.
